See, I learned...
by Tanvnui
Summary: Arwen remembers her past and ponders a decison she once made. A little sad, I hope.


A/N: This is s sequence I wrote some time ago round Christmas. Well, I know the language isn't the best, but I from time to time lack practice...However, please r/r!!!  
  
Disclaimer: All places and persons mentioned, as well as the circumstances they are in, belong to Tolkien. I'm just a poor student with no money...  
  
  
  
See, I learned...  
  
"See, I learned how close choice and chance are.  
  
Beneath this strange I recall days which still are filled with warmth and laughter. It must be a time since, I guess. But inside I still see smiles of friends and endless summer evenings, a lively sun.  
  
As I close my eyes, my brothers take my hands and dance with me, far across the slopes in between the trees.  
  
However - as I open them again, it's quiet.  
  
In the wind that sweeps across this land I hear the words, and as if the moment would last forever, I again feel I way I for once in my lifetime did, when I felt an answer that was to seal my destiny.  
  
Sorrow surrounds my heart as I go on, and a formerly desperate wish. Still there they are, my people. Never in my life did they leave me alone, always close to me.  
  
While my eyes are closed I recall a time that kept me wrapped up safely, here in your arms.  
  
And as I open them I see the snow, the tiny flakes melting in my palm."  
  
The Lady Evenstar of Gondor held out her hand and felt as its warmth destroyed the beauty of the fine snowflakes. They were drawing a layer of shimmering ice water across her palm, growing colder in the soft wind.  
  
She lifted her head and glanced at the snowy meadow, where beneath still trees gravestones of rough granite stood.  
  
She let her hood slip off her head when she stood in front of one of them, bending down to wipe away the snow that covered the engraved letters.  
  
"Oh Aragorn, do I regret my choice? For me there would have been a life beyond mortality and farewell to my family.  
  
And yet, even if dusk was to be mine, did I feel so safe awaking at dawn, in your arms. For me no other decision would have brought happiness.  
  
But now I realise that I did not chose for me alone. My destiny? - maybe.  
  
Here I stand and read names on cold gravestones, familiar names I never forgot, nonetheless they slowly fade like the faces they belonged to once. This I didn't know. Leaving a world seemed bearable to me, having spent a moment in time beside you.  
  
But, Aragorn, not this I chose. I chose silence. Would I have changed my mind if I'd known.  
  
Never.  
  
Still I didn't expect feelings like the ones that dwell in my heart now.  
  
When I think back I see a thousand dreams and a fear for each of them. There lies a future so uncertain, sorrow that veiled our smiles and a truth that seemed beyond reach.  
  
And beyond reach are these times now, and I know that then I never would have believed a vision if it had shown me this day. Yes, Aragorn, my beloved, I grief.  
  
For now there are only dry leaves left underneath the snow in Imladris, laughter and song, and Elrond's voice, have vanished with a silent swift that blew out to the sea and never returned. It hurts me to imagine the places of my life, Rivendell and Lothlórien, abandoned and quiet, only ceased legends that in an all so near time will be forgotten. It pains me to understand that the land, around which myths have woven a riddle, and the people, my people, sometime will be remembered as fairy-tales; and if someone walks underneath the mallorn, it will be a land like others, no enigma left.  
  
And then they may recall our names, Aragorn, or maybe they won't.  
  
However, all this is meaningless now. As I stand on a silent graveyard I finally feel the years. Never have I been alone, all those I loved and knew had built a wall around me without noticing.  
  
But those soft walls tumbled down, and I at last experience the bitterness I chose.  
  
If mortality was a gift, then it certainly is a hardly bearable one. One to be hardly grateful for. I learned that it ain't leaving the world, but watching.  
  
Never did I have to see a dear person go, except my mother. But concerning her even now I still know that she is there, with all of the mine, beyond the end of the world.  
  
Slowly the familiar faces disappeared, and today again I felt strange when I woke up beneath a sun that shone distantly.  
  
Time passed me by without a trace, and not once did I understand your people's hectic, straight lives. I do now, though. I realise why dreams and a future, hearts are worth saving. Aragorn year can change a life. Mortal time is a longing, this is their bitterness, and it wrote itself down deep on my soul, forever.  
  
My choice brought me a happiness, a look in your eyes, I was seeking for, and watching this land become beautiful and watching our children grow up, was more I ever dared to wish.  
  
Although I'm not yet tired of this life beside you, I for the first time fell that everything grows old. All life in this world ain't to last. You are part of this world, and so am I.  
  
With a fleeting glimpse I recall the past, and it brings tears to my eyes to realise it's over. Finality isn't familiar to me.  
  
I once upon a time had a choice, my love. Either eternity beyond mortality, or finality.  
  
I decided to stay beside you, you know what I gave up. With an overwhelming certainty I am sure that not for one single moment in a time longer than any mortal life, I regretted it. This was my decision, and my only. I am thankful for every star and teardrop, every smile and kiss there was in my life with you. You are more than I - you are just more.  
  
We tried on a thousand dreams, any my greatest came true.  
  
Se, I don't understand it yet, I don't see why this life of ours is to find and end sometime. But if in a time you wish to got - then go. Letting you leave is what I owe you for all you gave me.  
  
I learned that a year can change a life.  
  
And I feel that the next one will change mine." 


End file.
